Towel Bars Beware

Oh, towel bars.  If I didn’t already have a nemesis, you would be my greatest foe.  I fucking hate towel bars.  Hate them super hard.  You can’t fit more than one towel on them without knowing some odd form of linen origami and when they’re folded up, they never dry fully.  Reaching in hope for a nice dry towel after getting out of the shower and wrapping yourself in what is essentially an annoyingly damp mold factory is one of the worst things ever in my fluffy bubble of a world. 

When the fella and I moved into our new house, one of the first things I did was install hooks next to the shower in the master bathroom.

Did they really expect us to comfortably fit two towels on that piece of crap bar?

I think maybe one box had been half unpacked before I declared, “Screw this noise!” and ran out to purchase two $1.99 hooks.  Still one of my favorite changes to the house.  Cut to over a year later and I have declared war against the towel bar in the guest bathroom.  Granted, the shower in this bathroom has only been used a handful of times (mostly as a wash basin for beer brewing equipment) so the issues I have against my second greatest adversary don’t pop up all that often but still, all towel bars must be exterminated. 

For once, the Daleks and I agree.

My plan of attack was to build a simple shelf with hooks so the towels could be hung sans linen origami and the shelf could hold some cool decorative/display items.  Due to my lack of woodworking knowledge, building something entirely from scratch was a little daunting so I opted for the most functional yet simple design possible.   Seriously simple.  Its two pieces of wood connected with a couple corner brackets, screws, and glue.  There are also hooks....did I mention the hooks?  Because they are kind of essential to this whole party.   

First step was to cut down and stain the plank of wood being used which was in no way pilfered from the scrap piles of a dozen or so construction sites located around our house thus making the main portion of this project free.  Made one cut and turned a 5x6x1 piece of wood into two 2.5x6x1 pieces of wood.   The bathroom this shelf is destined for is currently rocking an octopus theme so I wanted something more rustic and maybe nautical looking, like the shelf was created from old pieces of a pirate ship, all weathered, worn, and imperfect.  To create some distressing on the wood I used a crescent wrench and banged the shit outta this thing to create dents, divots, and scratches.  It was super fun. 

 

Top: untouched wood.  Bottom: banged up and stained...similar to a hooker on a rough night

The wood stain (Miniwax Wood Sheen in Colonial Walnut) pools in the flaws of the wood created from the cathartic wrench swinging session coloring these pieces darker and creating an aged look.

Once my wood was all awesomely banged up and the stain had dried it was time to start assembling this thing in way that it would hopefully stay together.

Ran a line of wood glue along the edge

Set with clamps during the drying period

For some extra security, I also added wood screws going through the back section of the shelf and into the actual ledge portion.  I marked where the hardware needed to go, drilled pilot holes, and then added the screws.

Yea, screws!

There was a slightly annoying issue with the hooks I bought in that they did not come with screws.  After digging through our large mish-mash of hardware, I managed to locate the six necessary to complete this step.  The other lame detail was my hooks were a bronze color whereas all the screws found were silver.  Silver screws on bronze hooks looked stupid so I painted them oil rubbed bronze with leftover spray paint from a previous project.  

Inferior stupid silver screw on left.  Amazingly awesome painted screw on right.

The corner brackets/screws also got a coat of spray paint

 After all the hardware had dried....or mostly dried....I'm really impatient, I rinsed and repeated the whole marking where things needed to go, drilled pilot holes, attached the hardware, and ended up with this.

I could not be more pleased with how this turned out.  Funny thing is, after I put this whole shebang together, I realized that I didn’t have the proper hardware to hang it on the wall.  So, this post will be split into two parts my friends.  In the follow up post, I’ll show everything involved with attaching the hanging hardware to the shelf and then removing every last trace of the old towel bar from the bathroom so that we may forever forget its existence and replace it with the glory of my newly constructed apparatus.

TO BE CONTINUED......